Day 11

Gainful Employment

Lately, I've been reading Russell Simmon's 2007 release "Do You!: 12 Laws to Access the Power in You to Achieve Happiness and Success". I'm not the biggest fan of self-help literature, but so far I'm impressed with Russell's message. Basically, he argues that in order for one to achieve the success and happiness they desire, both professionally and personally, one need look spiritually & introspectively to discern his/her passion and purpose and work stringently toward realizing them.

The concepts of purpose and passion are two things that have been resonating with me the past few days, thanks to Brother Russell. Considering the current economic forecast, I am fortunate to have found employment right out of undergrad. And I'm not talking about just a job, either -- we're talking employment that boosts my professional cred, is within my discipline, and pays me good money. As a new graduate, I feel very blessed to have come across such great opportunities that will allow me to continually advance me toward my ultimate goal of being a public scholar-servant.

However, after reading pieces of "Do You!", I'm left wondering: Am I following the Universe's will for my life? Am I optimally passionate about my current and proposed future endeavors?

Is this what I'm supposed to be doing?

I love politics. I've always had a lot of respect for the ideal of Western democracy, and I feel like there is no more substantial, effective, meaningful, or resounding way to elicit change and herald ubiquitous justice than through the governmental process. As an underclassman I imagined my professional career looking a lot like that of a Dr. Cornel West or Dr. Michael Eric Dyson -- becoming a fierce public intellectual, a bastion of knowledge and social critique and a harbinger of revolutionary, paradigmatic shift. I would spend my days writing, speaking, and teaching the truth as I saw it -- educating the minds of the next generation and preparing the globe to catalyze and receive the new, more just and loving, world order. I wanted my influence to stretch far and wide, so much so that I could begin to ever-so-slightly mold the world into the gem I know it can be -- that it is.

By most people's standards, I'm on track with my dream -- graduate school is a year off, but still very much in the picture. I'm working my way into the local political scene and even flexing my (macabre) influence. Everything is going according to plan. Or is it?

I can't help but think of the dreams of my past -- those apparitions that used to sustain and inspire me, but now drag the bottom of my mind like dregs in a teacup. As much as I enjoy politics, as important I think government is and as much as I want to change the world through public service, I'm not sure if I'm as passionate about these things as I am about those dreams which I've let fall asunder. I wonder if that, was in fact, my purpose -- and, even though I'm seeking to do good through my current trajectory of professional endeavor, I wonder if I'll ever do as much good or be as fulfilled and happy and successful doing this instead of doing that.

Part of my query is born of fear of the road not traveled -- fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of self-disappointment -- could I even make my dream work? But most of my query is born of fear from of the road already traversed: How can I be sure of what it is that I'm supposed to do? Isn't now the time that I'm supposed to be making those definitive decisions? Is it too late to pursue that latent passion? Can I do both?

How do I know I'm doing what I'm meant to do?