Thursday, June 25th, 2009. The world is abashed in horror as our televisions and radios confirm the truth we didn't want to believe -- Michael Jackson, arguably the biggest music star of any generation (living or dead) and certainly the object of affection for millions (perhaps maybe even billions), had died. The Moonwalker, who once graced us mere mortals with amazing glimpses of his astral projections, had taken his last bow and last breath, leaving the rest of us wondering where the time had gone and why it had taken someone so adored by so many. The legacy that was Michael Jackson was finally capstoned and sealed to be mourned, remembered, and revered in glory for millenia to come.
That is, until Black Entertainment Television decided to desecrate it with a tribute to him in the name of the BET Awards.
If the latest installment of BET's most highly-publicized award show is in any way a reflection of the collective memory of the King of Pop, I shudder for the future of his legacy and weep for future generations who will never know Michael and his art as we did, unmarred by an undignified, haphazard, and poorly executed homage un-befitting of royalty.
Sure, many of us in our community are well-acquainted with the history of BET and their awards show and have come to fully expect -- yeah, even appreciate -- the tomfoolery and egregiousness that characterizes this particular mid-summer's night in Black entertainment and culture. However, I would argue that last night's program catapulted BET to a new level of baseness that deserves community reproach: as if it isn't enough to defecate on the very spirit of your network, BET had the audacity to name it a tribute to one of our community's fallen heroes.
Perhaps BET should seek honor themselves and the community they represent before they deign to offer tribute. Without honor, what's the integrity of tribute?
I think it's about time that we held a forum of "Community Accountability" with BET. Nothing big and public -- just an intimate "family affair"; a cozy conversation between Black people and BET in which we (the populous) expressed our challenges with the network. While we should certainly laud BET for what it does right (while I'm extremely incapable of producing an adequate example, at this moment), there is something to be said about the breadth and depth of what they get wrong.
6/11/09
Day 25
Addiction
So, after trial/error/disappointment, I've gotten into the habit of medicating myself with a post-obstruction cocktail -- usually there's more the former than the latter.
The Reality: If I stay on this trajectory, and life keeps sucking, I'm well on my way to developing one whopping dependency.
The Story: Today began like an other day -- I awoke with the sunshine of possibility and a new day warming the apples of my bright smile. I showered/dressed, handled some early morning business, and made my way out the door, on time might I add, to my first obligation of the day.
I must not have checked my calendar, because apparently today is the day the Hellmouth opened over Atlanta. Or, at least, my life.
I won't belabor every nauseatingly obnoxious detail that attributed to my persistent foul mood today -- rather, let's take a topical approach:
1) Lack of personal transportation
Seriously, this is becoming Issue #1 for me. I won't even bring up how public transportation in Atlanta is neither convenient, reliable, or compatible with my life schedule, not too mention how embarrassing and uncomfortable it is to be seen standing on Random Atlanta Corner #3453 (dressed business casual wearing my maroon Morehouse College polo accented by a briefcase, no less) in the hot ass Georgia sun waiting for the bus -- that may or may not come when it's supposed to. No, the most frustrating part of the whole ordeal is my inability to navigate life/negotiate space and time to my personal desire. I'm always at the mercy of some other entity's resource, and it's beginning to piss me off to my highest pissivity (yes, it's a word...and if it wasn't before, it is now).
2) Lack of substantial viable stream of income.
Those who've partaken in my previous posts are well acquainted with the Dawson's Creek saga that is my "employment" (my emphasis). After numerous attempted home invasions (three since the beginning of 2009) and a re-evaluation of the now very apparent lack of amenities (see above) in my life, it has become more and more obvious that I'm in need of a stronger fiscal influx. More disappointing, however, is the juxtaposition of my current job(s) and pay against the current job market and the work that I've already given to the aforementioned agencies. They continue to thrive while I wither -- at my expense, literally.
3) Lack of support
I am growing increasingly agitated with my current lot in life. While I've never been a fan (or recipient) of hand-outs, I'm beginning to wonder why my road was predestined to be so autonomous and arduous. I know this is about to border on selfish narcissism, but why haven't I been given certain gifts, gifts that I perceive I need to achieve my optimal success and gifts that I see others receiving all the time. For instance: why didn't I get a car growing up (a shitty fixer-upper that I could have pushed throughout high-school and undergrad while learning the basics of car maintenance and automobile finances) so that now not only would I have reliable transportation, but I wouldn't have to finance a vehicle all by my onesy. Why couldn't I have gotten some support to help buoy the financial transition from safe, comfortable college to shockingly-abrasive adulthood? I don't believe that I'm owed anything from anyone, but I've got to admit -- I do feel like I'm floating on a patchwork raft in the middle of a torrential ocean. I'm secure in the knowledge that I'm on the right path and that I'm (kinda) doing the right thing, but I can't help but wonder if, under my current circumstances, I'm going to make it -- and why I'm (seemingly) having it harder than others in situations akin to my own.
I apologize for my bitch-fest -- but I had to get this off my chest. In the meantime, I meditate:
After achieving the success of graduating from college, what, if anything, should you expect in return?
So, after trial/error/disappointment, I've gotten into the habit of medicating myself with a post-obstruction cocktail -- usually there's more the former than the latter.
The Reality: If I stay on this trajectory, and life keeps sucking, I'm well on my way to developing one whopping dependency.
The Story: Today began like an other day -- I awoke with the sunshine of possibility and a new day warming the apples of my bright smile. I showered/dressed, handled some early morning business, and made my way out the door, on time might I add, to my first obligation of the day.
I must not have checked my calendar, because apparently today is the day the Hellmouth opened over Atlanta. Or, at least, my life.
I won't belabor every nauseatingly obnoxious detail that attributed to my persistent foul mood today -- rather, let's take a topical approach:
1) Lack of personal transportation
Seriously, this is becoming Issue #1 for me. I won't even bring up how public transportation in Atlanta is neither convenient, reliable, or compatible with my life schedule, not too mention how embarrassing and uncomfortable it is to be seen standing on Random Atlanta Corner #3453 (dressed business casual wearing my maroon Morehouse College polo accented by a briefcase, no less) in the hot ass Georgia sun waiting for the bus -- that may or may not come when it's supposed to. No, the most frustrating part of the whole ordeal is my inability to navigate life/negotiate space and time to my personal desire. I'm always at the mercy of some other entity's resource, and it's beginning to piss me off to my highest pissivity (yes, it's a word...and if it wasn't before, it is now).
2) Lack of substantial viable stream of income.
Those who've partaken in my previous posts are well acquainted with the Dawson's Creek saga that is my "employment" (my emphasis). After numerous attempted home invasions (three since the beginning of 2009) and a re-evaluation of the now very apparent lack of amenities (see above) in my life, it has become more and more obvious that I'm in need of a stronger fiscal influx. More disappointing, however, is the juxtaposition of my current job(s) and pay against the current job market and the work that I've already given to the aforementioned agencies. They continue to thrive while I wither -- at my expense, literally.
3) Lack of support
I am growing increasingly agitated with my current lot in life. While I've never been a fan (or recipient) of hand-outs, I'm beginning to wonder why my road was predestined to be so autonomous and arduous. I know this is about to border on selfish narcissism, but why haven't I been given certain gifts, gifts that I perceive I need to achieve my optimal success and gifts that I see others receiving all the time. For instance: why didn't I get a car growing up (a shitty fixer-upper that I could have pushed throughout high-school and undergrad while learning the basics of car maintenance and automobile finances) so that now not only would I have reliable transportation, but I wouldn't have to finance a vehicle all by my onesy. Why couldn't I have gotten some support to help buoy the financial transition from safe, comfortable college to shockingly-abrasive adulthood? I don't believe that I'm owed anything from anyone, but I've got to admit -- I do feel like I'm floating on a patchwork raft in the middle of a torrential ocean. I'm secure in the knowledge that I'm on the right path and that I'm (kinda) doing the right thing, but I can't help but wonder if, under my current circumstances, I'm going to make it -- and why I'm (seemingly) having it harder than others in situations akin to my own.
I apologize for my bitch-fest -- but I had to get this off my chest. In the meantime, I meditate:
After achieving the success of graduating from college, what, if anything, should you expect in return?
6/10/09
Day 24
Quick Hit
Someone tried to break into my house today. AGAIN. FOR THE 3RD TIME THIS YEAR.
It's funny how the universe will subtlety move you towards the space you need to occupy in order to stay aligned with your life's purpose -- I now know that my new metaphysical space is not compatible with my current physical space, and I'll be reconciling that juxtaposition within my physical realm immediately, if not sooner.
Likewise, with regard to my recent work drama, I'm now certain that the sacrifice of living I was almost willing to make is not worth (in this case) potential professional gain. I refuse to sacrifice even a smidgen of my peace of mind to work for those who have already achieved theirs. I need to be compensated adequately for what I do -- what I'm worth. And I'll raise hell and high water to get it.
I thought it was difficult before, but now I know that life is about to get even a little bumpier. But I don't mind, because I know where I've been, and I know where I'm going.
I'm strapped in.
Someone tried to break into my house today. AGAIN. FOR THE 3RD TIME THIS YEAR.
It's funny how the universe will subtlety move you towards the space you need to occupy in order to stay aligned with your life's purpose -- I now know that my new metaphysical space is not compatible with my current physical space, and I'll be reconciling that juxtaposition within my physical realm immediately, if not sooner.
Likewise, with regard to my recent work drama, I'm now certain that the sacrifice of living I was almost willing to make is not worth (in this case) potential professional gain. I refuse to sacrifice even a smidgen of my peace of mind to work for those who have already achieved theirs. I need to be compensated adequately for what I do -- what I'm worth. And I'll raise hell and high water to get it.
I thought it was difficult before, but now I know that life is about to get even a little bumpier. But I don't mind, because I know where I've been, and I know where I'm going.
I'm strapped in.
6/9/09
Day 23
Up Against The Wall
Almost a month since graduation, and the professional life that I thought was taking off and sky-rocketing into a well-oiled future has hit a snag -- a big one.
So, I'm literally stuck between the metaphorical rock and the (very) real hard place. I'm invested in two jobs -- one as aide to a local elected official, and another as a staffer on an At-Large City Council campaign. These two jobs, which were supposed to work in concert with one another (both professionally and fiscally), are now somewhat at odds with each other. What's even more distressing, however, is that due to some unforeseeable circumstances (or just some fucked-up decision making), neither job is in a position to pay me what I need to maintain my standard of living -- and I ain't balling.
I enjoy the work I do (even though, when you're not being paid your worth, it certainly erases some of the enthusiasm and luster you once held for the work), but I've been put in a de facto position in which I have to decide between either 1) continuing to overwork for underpay, or 2) leaving the comfort of the professional nooks I've crafted for myself and striking it out on my own in search of a job that satisfies both my professional and financial needs -- in this job market.
At the behest of my mentor, I've spent the last few days off work thinking about the professional life I want to create for myself -- re-evaluating my goals, and realigning my professional pursuits with those goals. While I have a ballpark image/concept of what I want to spend my life's work doing, I'm not quite sure what it is that I definitively want to do (or if there's even only one thing I desire to do with my life). However, I do know that where I am currently in my professional life -- doing what it is that I'm doing -- is not going to put me in the position to get where I want to go in my personal life. I need the union of both, and the sacrifice of one for the other is unacceptable -- more importantly, I don't feel like I should have to make that sacrifice.
Where once before I was worried about the trajectory of my career and how I would make ends meet, in the consciousness I've come into I do know for sure that the Universe has a way of taking care of you. When you project the things that you want into the atmosphere, the Universe will create them for you. I'm beginning to disbelieve in the concept of "floating through life" -- I'm not sure if you need to know precisely what it is that you want for the Universe to bring you to what it is that you need. Don't get me wrong, there is a way that explicit direction allows one to optimize the opportunities that one's given -- but I also think that what is to happen, inevitably, will happen. What's more imperative, I believe, is to trust yourself and the Universe -- that whatever you want, no matter how big or small, is genuine, valid, and necessary to the world; that what is for you will come to you; that what you are to be will manifest for you to assume.
I report back to the office fully on Thursday. I'm not quite where I want to be, but I take comfort in knowing that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be -- every step I take is moving me to the success I've projected into the environment. Wherever I end up, I know I won't be led astray from where I'm supposed to be. I believe in my success -- and whether I stay at my current jobs or leave, I know I'll create it.
Almost a month since graduation, and the professional life that I thought was taking off and sky-rocketing into a well-oiled future has hit a snag -- a big one.
So, I'm literally stuck between the metaphorical rock and the (very) real hard place. I'm invested in two jobs -- one as aide to a local elected official, and another as a staffer on an At-Large City Council campaign. These two jobs, which were supposed to work in concert with one another (both professionally and fiscally), are now somewhat at odds with each other. What's even more distressing, however, is that due to some unforeseeable circumstances (or just some fucked-up decision making), neither job is in a position to pay me what I need to maintain my standard of living -- and I ain't balling.
I enjoy the work I do (even though, when you're not being paid your worth, it certainly erases some of the enthusiasm and luster you once held for the work), but I've been put in a de facto position in which I have to decide between either 1) continuing to overwork for underpay, or 2) leaving the comfort of the professional nooks I've crafted for myself and striking it out on my own in search of a job that satisfies both my professional and financial needs -- in this job market.
At the behest of my mentor, I've spent the last few days off work thinking about the professional life I want to create for myself -- re-evaluating my goals, and realigning my professional pursuits with those goals. While I have a ballpark image/concept of what I want to spend my life's work doing, I'm not quite sure what it is that I definitively want to do (or if there's even only one thing I desire to do with my life). However, I do know that where I am currently in my professional life -- doing what it is that I'm doing -- is not going to put me in the position to get where I want to go in my personal life. I need the union of both, and the sacrifice of one for the other is unacceptable -- more importantly, I don't feel like I should have to make that sacrifice.
Where once before I was worried about the trajectory of my career and how I would make ends meet, in the consciousness I've come into I do know for sure that the Universe has a way of taking care of you. When you project the things that you want into the atmosphere, the Universe will create them for you. I'm beginning to disbelieve in the concept of "floating through life" -- I'm not sure if you need to know precisely what it is that you want for the Universe to bring you to what it is that you need. Don't get me wrong, there is a way that explicit direction allows one to optimize the opportunities that one's given -- but I also think that what is to happen, inevitably, will happen. What's more imperative, I believe, is to trust yourself and the Universe -- that whatever you want, no matter how big or small, is genuine, valid, and necessary to the world; that what is for you will come to you; that what you are to be will manifest for you to assume.
I report back to the office fully on Thursday. I'm not quite where I want to be, but I take comfort in knowing that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be -- every step I take is moving me to the success I've projected into the environment. Wherever I end up, I know I won't be led astray from where I'm supposed to be. I believe in my success -- and whether I stay at my current jobs or leave, I know I'll create it.
6/7/09
Day 21
Three Weeks Notice
A compilation of life thoughts & lessons from this week's edition of "Adventures in Post-Grad" (and, if you haven't noticed, a weekly feature):
1). It's okay to be wrong and to make mistakes. "The choice may have been mistaken; the choosing was not..."
2). The Universe blesses us all with talents, gifts, and abilities -- we are punished when we deprive the world of them.
3). Johnetta Betsch Cole and Beverly Guy-Sheftall are THE truth. Google 'em.
4). And speaking of "gender talk", while I am ever evolving into a welcome feminist consciousness, there is still internal work I need to do around addressing and reconciling my male privilege and oppressive behavior.
5). Friends are fleeting -- but that's not good reason to not take care of them. For as long as they're in your life, you should nurture each other as if it's forever.
6). Answering the phone means a lot. Sometimes (I dare say, MOST times), just showing up counts.
7). From my mentor -- never compromise any aspect of yourself to please other people. Be very clear of what it is you want, and seek that.
8). Reba, Linda, Martina, and Trisha can try, but Patti and Michael will always reign over them -- on their own.
9). Lesbians are really cool. Like, REALLY cool.
10). Happiness and community have at least one thing in common -- they both begin and end with you.
A compilation of life thoughts & lessons from this week's edition of "Adventures in Post-Grad" (and, if you haven't noticed, a weekly feature):
1). It's okay to be wrong and to make mistakes. "The choice may have been mistaken; the choosing was not..."
2). The Universe blesses us all with talents, gifts, and abilities -- we are punished when we deprive the world of them.
3). Johnetta Betsch Cole and Beverly Guy-Sheftall are THE truth. Google 'em.
4). And speaking of "gender talk", while I am ever evolving into a welcome feminist consciousness, there is still internal work I need to do around addressing and reconciling my male privilege and oppressive behavior.
5). Friends are fleeting -- but that's not good reason to not take care of them. For as long as they're in your life, you should nurture each other as if it's forever.
6). Answering the phone means a lot. Sometimes (I dare say, MOST times), just showing up counts.
7). From my mentor -- never compromise any aspect of yourself to please other people. Be very clear of what it is you want, and seek that.
8). Reba, Linda, Martina, and Trisha can try, but Patti and Michael will always reign over them -- on their own.
9). Lesbians are really cool. Like, REALLY cool.
10). Happiness and community have at least one thing in common -- they both begin and end with you.
6/1/09
Day 15
On The Steps of the Palace
I have come to realize that I have a problem with effective communication.
Allow me to be more specific: I have challenges addressing problems I have with behaviors people exhibit towards me that I consider disrespectful or inappropriate.
I've known for quite awhile that I'm quite the passive-aggressive. I'm the guy who'll say and look like everything is okay while I quietly curse your ass out in my mind for your infraction. However, my passive-aggressive nature was always tempered by my emotional A.D.D -- I can never feel any kind of way for too long before I'm over that emotion and on the next. However, as of late I seem to have outgrown my emotional A.D.D and the irritability (pacified by my passive-aggressiveness) that it usually assuages is now beginning to fester and create a perennial state of what I like to call "pissivity" (for you etymologists, from the Latin pis`ed, meaning "to be mad as hell").
I know that if I was just able to communicate to people who wronged me how they wronged me when they wronged me that I don't LIKE it when they wrong me that I would be a happier, more stable person. Alas, I find it especially difficult to voice my grievance and displeasure with the people closest to me. Why, I'm not sure. What I can say is that it has manifested in pretty dastardly ways in the past and never resolves any given situation to my liking.
This is especially true at work, where lately I've been feeling that my time and energy could be utilized more effectively. I'm not complaining (rather, I'm trying not to complain), but lately I've had this nagging disenchantment with my work. It's not (directly) tied to my compensation, but therein lies my dilemma.
Knowing that we all have bills, it's imperative that we get paid for services we render. Conversely, success comes to those who work their ass off for the love of what they do -- no matter what the compensation. While I know my professional worth, I also know there's a fair amount of dues-paying that everyone must endure. But how much is too much? Is expecting certain conditions and circumstances a pronouncement that you think you're above paying certain dues? How do you know your true professional worth? And is holding out for a position that fully realizes it worth the risk of abandoning professionally-catapulting, but less-lucrative, work? And how gratifying should your work be if you know that it will ultimately take you where you want to go?
When it comes to your job, what's the difference between professional advancement and professional volunteering?
I have come to realize that I have a problem with effective communication.
Allow me to be more specific: I have challenges addressing problems I have with behaviors people exhibit towards me that I consider disrespectful or inappropriate.
I've known for quite awhile that I'm quite the passive-aggressive. I'm the guy who'll say and look like everything is okay while I quietly curse your ass out in my mind for your infraction. However, my passive-aggressive nature was always tempered by my emotional A.D.D -- I can never feel any kind of way for too long before I'm over that emotion and on the next. However, as of late I seem to have outgrown my emotional A.D.D and the irritability (pacified by my passive-aggressiveness) that it usually assuages is now beginning to fester and create a perennial state of what I like to call "pissivity" (for you etymologists, from the Latin pis`ed, meaning "to be mad as hell").
I know that if I was just able to communicate to people who wronged me how they wronged me when they wronged me that I don't LIKE it when they wrong me that I would be a happier, more stable person. Alas, I find it especially difficult to voice my grievance and displeasure with the people closest to me. Why, I'm not sure. What I can say is that it has manifested in pretty dastardly ways in the past and never resolves any given situation to my liking.
This is especially true at work, where lately I've been feeling that my time and energy could be utilized more effectively. I'm not complaining (rather, I'm trying not to complain), but lately I've had this nagging disenchantment with my work. It's not (directly) tied to my compensation, but therein lies my dilemma.
Knowing that we all have bills, it's imperative that we get paid for services we render. Conversely, success comes to those who work their ass off for the love of what they do -- no matter what the compensation. While I know my professional worth, I also know there's a fair amount of dues-paying that everyone must endure. But how much is too much? Is expecting certain conditions and circumstances a pronouncement that you think you're above paying certain dues? How do you know your true professional worth? And is holding out for a position that fully realizes it worth the risk of abandoning professionally-catapulting, but less-lucrative, work? And how gratifying should your work be if you know that it will ultimately take you where you want to go?
When it comes to your job, what's the difference between professional advancement and professional volunteering?
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