Day 23

Up Against The Wall

Almost a month since graduation, and the professional life that I thought was taking off and sky-rocketing into a well-oiled future has hit a snag -- a big one.

So, I'm literally stuck between the metaphorical rock and the (very) real hard place. I'm invested in two jobs -- one as aide to a local elected official, and another as a staffer on an At-Large City Council campaign. These two jobs, which were supposed to work in concert with one another (both professionally and fiscally), are now somewhat at odds with each other. What's even more distressing, however, is that due to some unforeseeable circumstances (or just some fucked-up decision making), neither job is in a position to pay me what I need to maintain my standard of living -- and I ain't balling.

I enjoy the work I do (even though, when you're not being paid your worth, it certainly erases some of the enthusiasm and luster you once held for the work), but I've been put in a de facto position in which I have to decide between either 1) continuing to overwork for underpay, or 2) leaving the comfort of the professional nooks I've crafted for myself and striking it out on my own in search of a job that satisfies both my professional and financial needs -- in this job market.

At the behest of my mentor, I've spent the last few days off work thinking about the professional life I want to create for myself -- re-evaluating my goals, and realigning my professional pursuits with those goals. While I have a ballpark image/concept of what I want to spend my life's work doing, I'm not quite sure what it is that I definitively want to do (or if there's even only one thing I desire to do with my life). However, I do know that where I am currently in my professional life -- doing what it is that I'm doing -- is not going to put me in the position to get where I want to go in my personal life. I need the union of both, and the sacrifice of one for the other is unacceptable -- more importantly, I don't feel like I should have to make that sacrifice.

Where once before I was worried about the trajectory of my career and how I would make ends meet, in the consciousness I've come into I do know for sure that the Universe has a way of taking care of you. When you project the things that you want into the atmosphere, the Universe will create them for you. I'm beginning to disbelieve in the concept of "floating through life" -- I'm not sure if you need to know precisely what it is that you want for the Universe to bring you to what it is that you need. Don't get me wrong, there is a way that explicit direction allows one to optimize the opportunities that one's given -- but I also think that what is to happen, inevitably, will happen. What's more imperative, I believe, is to trust yourself and the Universe -- that whatever you want, no matter how big or small, is genuine, valid, and necessary to the world; that what is for you will come to you; that what you are to be will manifest for you to assume.

I report back to the office fully on Thursday. I'm not quite where I want to be, but I take comfort in knowing that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be -- every step I take is moving me to the success I've projected into the environment. Wherever I end up, I know I won't be led astray from where I'm supposed to be. I believe in my success -- and whether I stay at my current jobs or leave, I know I'll create it.