Day 15

On The Steps of the Palace

I have come to realize that I have a problem with effective communication.

Allow me to be more specific: I have challenges addressing problems I have with behaviors people exhibit towards me that I consider disrespectful or inappropriate.

I've known for quite awhile that I'm quite the passive-aggressive. I'm the guy who'll say and look like everything is okay while I quietly curse your ass out in my mind for your infraction. However, my passive-aggressive nature was always tempered by my emotional A.D.D -- I can never feel any kind of way for too long before I'm over that emotion and on the next. However, as of late I seem to have outgrown my emotional A.D.D and the irritability (pacified by my passive-aggressiveness) that it usually assuages is now beginning to fester and create a perennial state of what I like to call "pissivity" (for you etymologists, from the Latin pis`ed, meaning "to be mad as hell").

I know that if I was just able to communicate to people who wronged me how they wronged me when they wronged me that I don't LIKE it when they wrong me that I would be a happier, more stable person. Alas, I find it especially difficult to voice my grievance and displeasure with the people closest to me. Why, I'm not sure. What I can say is that it has manifested in pretty dastardly ways in the past and never resolves any given situation to my liking.

This is especially true at work, where lately I've been feeling that my time and energy could be utilized more effectively. I'm not complaining (rather, I'm trying not to complain), but lately I've had this nagging disenchantment with my work. It's not (directly) tied to my compensation, but therein lies my dilemma.

Knowing that we all have bills, it's imperative that we get paid for services we render. Conversely, success comes to those who work their ass off for the love of what they do -- no matter what the compensation. While I know my professional worth, I also know there's a fair amount of dues-paying that everyone must endure. But how much is too much? Is expecting certain conditions and circumstances a pronouncement that you think you're above paying certain dues? How do you know your true professional worth? And is holding out for a position that fully realizes it worth the risk of abandoning professionally-catapulting, but less-lucrative, work? And how gratifying should your work be if you know that it will ultimately take you where you want to go?

When it comes to your job, what's the difference between professional advancement and professional volunteering?